Losing Control

Mental health month the following is from my book "From Ups and Downs to Middle-Ground", Surviving bipolar. 
Lost and confused by Miss Kelly rae
So many lost souls I can now see it's not just me some of us are still fighting to be found some of us will never be found lost in a world of waste how long am I willing to wait how much more can I truly take how many more times will I get back up when I think I finally given up is this just the beginning or is it surely the end is my soul really lost or was it never there at all am I meant to feel so broken and abused I'm filled with sorrow and full of pain I can't be happy because then I feel shame guilt eats me up and spits me back out I'm always filled with doubt I'd rather be hated than to be loved so many things wrong with me I can't dig myself out I keep crying out but I guess nothing really comes out and left with no answers"

I have felt these feelings. I have felt so much shame and disappointment with my illness. I let it eat me up for almost 10 years. I've come to realize that I don't need to feel shame I have done nothing wrong. I did not create this illness. And I deserve to be happy and have the blessings but life puts upon us.
On those days when you feel like you're at your end and you can't take anymore and you have no more energy to get up and fight and full of doubt these are the days that you have to fight for yourself. It's a fight only you can fight the one for yourself. You can take medication and you can be guided But ultimately in the end it's up to you. You can take it one moment at a time one minute at a time one day at a time. Whatever it is that you feel can get you through to the next day that's what you must do. If I deserve happiness and to be loved and cared for then so do you. You deserve to feel the Sunshine on your face and the wind blowing through your hair. You can fight this fight you don't have to let it own you.


Fallen Apart